The Insider explains Triond is a reciprocating PTC engine and helps me beat a dead horse. Extremely brief comments welcome.
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| El sueño de la razón produce monstruos. Francisco Goya. PD-US via Wikipedia |
Maximum Security
After months of failing to return my calls, the head of the psychiatric hospital unexpectedly granted me an interview with the Nut House Insider. Guided by a charming but well-muscled nurse named Sharon, I walked down the cheery green corridors leading to the wing where the Insider dwells. He’s my best source for bizarre and exclusive stories, and in the past he’s given me some real scoops on Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan. Everyone in the asylum smiled and waved to us--until we turned the corridor to the maximum security section where the Insider is held. Here staff members were shouting, and anxious security officers talked to their radios.
The nurse answered a few questions as we stepped through a scene from bedlam. She explained why the hospital moved the Insider to maximum security. “During a manic episode,” she said, “the Insider stole a scrap of metal, a piece of wood, and an ink pad.” I shuddered when she added, “He sharpened metal and made what the inmates call a shiv.”
“Was anyone hurt?"
“Not exactly. He used the shiv to carve messages into the block of wood. He inked the block with the pad and then stamped messages on every surface in his room--and every inch of his roommate."
“What kind of messages?”
“Incoherent and disjointed phrases like nice share, good information, and great article.”
A guard opened a heavy door leading to a bleak corridor with a few numbered doors in its walls. She beat on a door and shouted, “Visitor.” Set at eye-level in the door, a tiny window revealed a dim figure in the room. A light came on. The Insider was inside. Alone.
A View is not a Read
Maximum Security
The nurse answered a few questions as we stepped through a scene from bedlam. She explained why the hospital moved the Insider to maximum security. “During a manic episode,” she said, “the Insider stole a scrap of metal, a piece of wood, and an ink pad.” I shuddered when she added, “He sharpened metal and made what the inmates call a shiv.”
“Was anyone hurt?"
“Not exactly. He used the shiv to carve messages into the block of wood. He inked the block with the pad and then stamped messages on every surface in his room--and every inch of his roommate."
“What kind of messages?”
“Incoherent and disjointed phrases like nice share, good information, and great article.”
A guard opened a heavy door leading to a bleak corridor with a few numbered doors in its walls. She beat on a door and shouted, “Visitor.” Set at eye-level in the door, a tiny window revealed a dim figure in the room. A light came on. The Insider was inside. Alone.
A View is not a Read
I went straight to the point of my visit and shouted through the door, “Can you help me get more views for my Triond articles?”
Wiping the froth from his mouth, the Insider replied, “It’s easy. Write articles that delight your readers.”
Stunned by the Insider’s cruelty, I was for a brief time at a loss for words. I counted to ten to control my anger and then said, “I can’t always do that; besides, I want more views for my bad articles as well as the good one.” I quickly corrected myself, “Good ones.”
The Insider snorted. “First, you need to understand what a view is. How many eyeballs have to look at an article for you to get a view?”
“Uh, at least one.”
The Insider laughed and began jumping about his room.
“Don’t get him so excited,” Sharon said. “He’ll relapse.”
Getting control of himself, the Insider said, “You are so wrong, wrong, wrong. A view is something a browser does, and browsers don’t have eyes.”
“Okay,” I said, playing along. “How do I get more browsers to open on my articles?”
“Two words: comment spam.”
Wiping the froth from his mouth, the Insider replied, “It’s easy. Write articles that delight your readers.”
Stunned by the Insider’s cruelty, I was for a brief time at a loss for words. I counted to ten to control my anger and then said, “I can’t always do that; besides, I want more views for my bad articles as well as the good one.” I quickly corrected myself, “Good ones.”
The Insider snorted. “First, you need to understand what a view is. How many eyeballs have to look at an article for you to get a view?”
“Uh, at least one.”
The Insider laughed and began jumping about his room.
“Don’t get him so excited,” Sharon said. “He’ll relapse.”
Getting control of himself, the Insider said, “You are so wrong, wrong, wrong. A view is something a browser does, and browsers don’t have eyes.”
“Okay,” I said, playing along. “How do I get more browsers to open on my articles?”
“Two words: comment spam.”
Comment Spam
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| ¡Bravísímo! Francisco Goya. PD-US via Wikipedia |
“Comment spam is little messages like nice share and good article, right?”
“Right. You open your browser on articles other people write, and you leave some comment spam behind. When they see your messages, they pay you back by opening their browsers on your articles and leaving their comment spam. Maybe they’ll also open their browsers on your articles more than once in new windows. If you follow me, tell me what happens next.”
I hate it when the Insider acts like he’s Socrates and starts asking questions, but once again I played along. “You write another article.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. You go to other articles by the writers who left you comment spam, and you leave comment spam there, too.”
“And then they repay the favor?”
“Yes. They reciprocate. You get paid when they click on your articles, and they get paid when you reciprocate. Triond is a reciprocating paid-to-click engine.” He paused, and a wicked gleam came into his eyes. “What do you think nice share means?”
“It’s nice of you to share your thoughts.”
The Insider laughed again and danced wildly about his cell.
“I’m warning you,” said Sharon, “the Insider can’t take much more.”
The Insider finally stopped giggling long enough to say, “Nice share means thanks in advance for sharing the cash.”
Still skeptical, I asked a question that I thought would expose the folly of the Insider’s ideas. “Will comment spam get me on the Hot Content list?”
The Hot Content List
“Of course not. The Chief Financial Officer of Triond created the Hot Content list. It’s collateral, not content. I’ll tell you the real story. A few years ago the CFO figured out how to leverage comments. Comments are the gold standard for proving an article was viewed, and views generate income, right?” I nodded. “So Triond played the market by issuing derivatives, a sort of insurance policy that certain golden articles would continue to gather comments. Triond put those articles in Hot Content to satisfy the holders of those derivatives.”
“And when the market for derivatives crashed?”
“Triond had to drop its compensation rate for writers so it could pay investors and keep the articles from going into foreclosure.”
The Way of the Future
“What you’re telling me is that comment spam plays a huge role in Triond’s business model; and since new members join all the time, the site will continue to thrive on comment spam forever.”
“Not forever. The future of comment spam belongs to China. I’m no expert on the language, but in simplified Chinese you can write nice share with four characters and good article with only three.”
The Insiders eyes began to dart around the room. He asked, “Do you remember the last scene in The Aviator starring Leonardo DiCaprio?”
“Sure, Howard Hughes can’t stop saying ‘the way of the future.’”
“Its about to happen to me.” A look of horror passed across his face and he began to chant, “Nice share. Nice share. Nice share. Nice share. Nice share. Nice share. Nice share. Nice share. Nice share. Nice share. …”
A Note on Comments on this Article
The Insider asked me to moderate comments on this article strictly. In keeping with his wishes, I shall delete any and all comments of more than four words.
* * *
This post is a gently revised version of an article that appeared on Triond's Webupon website on Mar. 29, 2012:
http://webupon.com/web-talk/nut-house-insider-says-triond-thrives-on-comment-spam/
http://webupon.com/web-talk/nut-house-insider-says-triond-thrives-on-comment-spam/
The illustrations in this article come from a series of aquatint prints called Los Caprichos created by Francisco Goya and published as an album in 1799. The entire collection of prints is available in a reprint edition from Dover Books.
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